You’re supposed to feel good

Since a long time now, I’ve lived by the phrase: ‘It’s okay not to be okay.’ And while that’s helped me in the past, I realise now I’ve been using it as an excuse. I’ve been clinging to my trauma like a crutch cause I’m too scared to let it go. It’s like I got so used to feeling bad and mediocre and meh, that the second life is getting better or my thoughts are clear or I begin to even, god forbid, feel good, I’m like nope! Code red code red shut down deactivate. And I crawl back into my little hole in the ground. I’m telling you, I’ve been hiding in that hole for a while now, and it’s starting to get claustrophobic. That’s a lie, its always been claustrophobic, but I was good at pretending it wasn’t, and I got pretty comfortable with the lack of air. But there comes a time, where just cause you can’t see where you’re headed, it doesn’t mean that you can’t move forward. 

The thing is, you can’t go back in time. The trauma and all that shit was in the past, and you know what? It’s not you. Don’t make that part of your identity, don’t let that be what other people see when they look at you. Don’t let it be what you see when you look at yourself. Because the thing is, you’re supposed to move on. That stuff happened for you to gain experiences and lessons, to change up your energy so that you could actually grow from it. 

There was a purpose to the seemingly purposelessness of it all. 

And when you’re so used to the darkness, to the feeling shitty and making excuses for why you’re not giving your life and the things you do with it your all, its pretty damn scary to move past that and even think about what thriving looks like. It clocked only today, when I once again woke up at 4 am, that I’m supposed to feel good. I mean, that sounds pretty self explanatory not to mention obvious like duh why wouldn’t you. But I’ve been living a pretty mediocre life for a while, somewhere in limbo, fluctuating between bad days and kinda bleh days. And I was like where is my life going? I wanna get better, I wanna be better. I want success, but I’m really scared of…feeling good? Its like I had all these goals and these dreams but little motivation to make them a reality cause I was like well I’m clearly not in the right vibration to make them happen, and who knows maybe I just won’t ever be. And I was kinda cool with that.

Here’s the thing: I know I’ve been through hell and back, and I seriously did not go through all of that mess to get here and be like…well I’m doing okay I guess so I’ll just chill here for a while, maybe forever…like no! I can’t believe that I actually forgot that I came down to earth to frigging make it happen and to thrive! Like I have stuff to do, I have a purpose to fulfil, I have a life to actually enjoy. I’m kinda done with living a half ass one that’s just not fulfilling because I’m unwilling to let myself feel good. 

But now, I know that it’s safe. 

It’s safe to feel good. 

You went through all of the things you went through to get to that place. Because you’re supposed to enjoy your life, and that stuff happened for you so when you do bounce back you do it even better than you did before, with even more inspiration and creativity and depth and understanding than you ever had before. With lessons to teach, with wisdom to share. 

Make that conscious decision, to let go of the idea that life has to be hard, that you’re just kinda existing and that’s where you’ll stay. Honour where you are right now, honour your mindset, but know that life can and is getting better. 

That you’re supposed to be in flow, not in limbo. 

What helps me, is right before bed, I pray to Spirit or my guides or my ancestors to help me release whatever’s on my mind as I sleep. That way you know what you’re focusing on; feeling good, and you also know that you’re releasing the mindset that blocks you from feeling that.

Heyyy so I hoped you enjoyed this post! 

Thank you so much for reading – I hope you have a beautiful day and that it helped shift your mindset even a tiny bit. Wishing you peace and happiness 🤗

Love, 

Lanie ❤️ 

Published by Lanie

Hello! I'm a 17 year old writer/poet from London, my favourite colour is lilac, and I guess my biggest aim is to help people love and value themselves - to see their inherent worthiness. I hope you enjoy my content!

2 thoughts on “You’re supposed to feel good

  1. This popped up in my email and I stopped what I was doing to read it because this was just how I was feeling too. Thank you for making me feel heard and calling me out with this post I REALLY NEEDED TO SNAP OUT OF IT

    Like

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