There’s something about living a fast paced life that’s exciting. I went to a party on Friday where I danced hardcore for 4 hours, and I had a lot of fun. But now, I realise I was just trying to forget about life. I do it a lot, actually. I drift from one activity to the next, shifting between school work where I lose myself in flow, and writing my book where I get to escape once again, into a fantasy world. Rarely do I take the time to simply be. Rarely do I take the time to simply sit, and notice what’s around me. To be completely 100% present with the food I am eating, tasting it in its entirety – finishing one bite before taking the next. I tell myself all these excuses, like ‘I don’t have time,’ and honestly, I just feel the need to move onto the next thing, like I’m wasting life otherwise. Its like, after I take a shower, when I could just sit and notice my surroundings in the quiet, I hurry and get changed so I can go downstairs to eat dinner that’s not even ready yet, when I’m not even hungry yet. Do you do something similar, where you’re already thinking about the next thing you gotta do before you even finish the first thing? Why is this?
I mean, my thoughts just don’t stop. I make sure to meditate, but even then it’s not like it used to be. I used to be able to sit in silence; the space around me and within me, and notice, like really notice what life feels like in that moment. What I feel like in that moment. But now, its some kind of half ass attempt where my mind is swirling and I don’t even make an effort to reign it back in; I just want to go to sleep (I meditate right before bed). And then I wake up at 4 am with racing thoughts, and can’t get back to sleep until an hour has passed. This has been going on for a week now maybe? It’s something I’ve been ignoring, until now.
The thing about living like that, is yeah, you get stuff done, but you know what? You’re not enjoying a single damn thing. Where’s the fulfilment in life, if you’re not really…there?
A couple days ago I pulled myself a few tarot cards – I got the 10 of wands upright and the 3 of cups in reverse. If you don’t really know tarot, that roughly translates into burnout, and lack of enjoyment and celebration and fulfilment in life. Which I find pretty ironic about the burnout part, since I literally am up in here with a fever. When I pulled oracle cards afterwards, I got several about taking a break and resting. Which, I guess I didn’t listen to, cause here we are, where I’m forced to miss school aka basically slow down. It’s really weird – I always find my body acts up when I go too hardcore and don’t take care of myself properly, so I gotta miss school and therefore ‘have the time’ to actually take care of myself.
Because the thing is, we always have time. It’s just that I wasn’t prioritising myself over my work. I know there’s a balance, and there’s a healthy way to do both and feel nourished by life.
I’m going to make a commitment to myself, to give myself time to slow down, every single day. If slowing down is something you think you could do, maybe you could also give yourself that commitment?
I guess it could be part of your morning and evening routine, or maybe its just how you carry out those routines: mindfully, methodically and patiently. Because you deserve that nourishment from yourself. You deserve to feel into life, wherever yours is at right now. I think that’s the only way to not live a half assed existence, where you go to bed wondering what the hell you’re doing with your life and where you’re even going. Slowing down tells you where you are. And when you know where you are, you can take a look around. And when you take a look around, you might just notice something to appreciate.
I didn’t used to, but now I realise that I have trouble meditating on my own, i.e without a guided meditation. But that’s okay, it’s just where I am right now. I’m going to make sure that I get something out of the minutes that I put into meditating, because right now… it’s just not it. I think sometimes we get out of touch with ourselves because we get too wrapped up in what we’re doing, and I think that’s when you gotta strip it back to the basics. For me, I’m going to start using this guided meditation by Leeor Alexandra on YouTube – it’s a 30 day series that got me into meditating properly in the first place. Stripping it back for me also looks like committing to a yoga practise every day, and giving myself time to feel my heartbeat, and breathe deeply. You don’t realise how much you crave depth until you realise the kind of shallow existence you’ve been living in.
So, what are some ways that you can slow down? Maybe it’s taking a walk in your lunchtime break. Maybe it’s spending one day a week pampering yourself, even if that’s just taking a long bath. Maybe it’s bringing yourself out of your thoughts when you’re doing things like taking that walk, or driving, and noticing where you are.
How can you strip back to the basics – doing those simple, easy habits that bring you back to yourself?
Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a comment; I’d love to know your thoughts and experiences about this topic of slowing down.
May you be filled with peace, and find fulfilment in your life, exactly as it is in each moment.