You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone

I feel like in society today, everything’s about competition. You have to be the best, be ‘better than you were yesterday’, in order to succeed and feel like you lived your life to the fullest. And all that basically does is create a breeding ground for self criticism, and self comparison. Cause the two come hand in hand. We compare all kinds of things like beauty, wealth, mental health, quality of life…I mean, you can compare anything under the sun. But let me tell you something: you are unique. And so is that person right there that you’re comparing yourself to. And that person over there. And everyone on this entire god damn planet. 

I think the biggest thing I compare myself to other people with is definitely my body. Like I look at girls my age, or even sometimes older women and I’m like well I don’t look like that, maybe there’s something wrong with me and I’m not normal, or I’m ugly. And then I want to look different, and I get into this trap of not feeling good and comfortable in my own skin when really, my body is just a body. And all bodies are unique. I am still beautiful, even when I don’t look like that one girl who I personally think is super beautiful. Because there are a million and more different types of beautiful. There is no one size fits all standard, not truly, so when you think about it that way, comparison doesn’t even make sense! 

But the same principle of our uniqueness applies for other attributes too, like intelligence, humour, talent. Let’s say you’re a writer. Guess what there are probably millions of writers in this entire world. You might take a look at someone’s book and think ‘holy crap they are this big shot best selling author like hot damn I don’t know if I could ever be as good as them’! But I mean you write in your own style, in your own way, and your own story. Thats fricking incomparable! If you’re a painter, same scenario. Each painting is so unique, so subjective that you really can’t be like well ima sucky artist compared with that person. Like no! You are gifted, you are talented and unique in your own way- don’t you dare compare your work to anyone else’s work, because it will never be yours, and yours will never be theirs! And that’s the beauty of it all. We aren’t living to be carbon copies of other people, but to be our authentic selves, and express that through whatever medium we were gifted with, whether that be words, music, art, cooking…it could be anything. Everyones got something, and there will inevitably be people doing the exact same thing as you. But no one can do it in the way only you can. If you are a singer, no one can sing exactly like you. Its not about who has the biggest voice, who has the smoothest voice or the most sellable…its about the whole shabang, its about what you bring to the table, how those words and the melody flow out of your mouth. Because the thing is, nobody has your voice. Nobody can paint the way you can. Nobody can write the way you can. Nobody can cheer someone up when they feel like shit the way you can. No one has your laugh. No one has your exact smile. 

No one, is you.

Cause you, sweetie, are incomparable. You are uniquely you, you are special and talented and gifted, and no one else in this entire world can shine and do it like you can. You don’t need to look over at what person X, Y, Z are doing and think ‘am I there yet, am I doing it right, is mine as good as theirs – wait am I better than they are?’ Like no, you do you. Let them worry about them. And while we’re at it, don’t you go comparing yourself to future you. Because we can have all these goals and ideas about what future us would look like, have achieved etc, and then look at ourselves exactly as we are right now and feel shitty about where we are. It’s okay to have goals, in fact its great and super amazing to have them. But you need to understand that where you are right now, is exactly where you need to be. Who you are right now, is who you need to be. You are on your own unique path, and if that goal is meant for you, then you will reach it in your own time, in your own way, and hell, it might not even look like what you thought it would. 

Two things worth cultivating are non-judgement towards yourself (and others), and self compassion. Because those two things will really help you in becoming less self critical and reduce comparing yourself to other people, and help you start to realise that where you are right now is better than perfect, and is actually the right place for you to be in. No matter what that looks like. You might not be happy with it, but if you learn to accept it, you can at least appreciate it and make peace with it. Like I said above, you are on your own path, and so is everyone else. You can’t really look over at somebody else doing their own thing on their own path and be like damn my path isn’t good enough I should probably be on whatever road they’re on. Like um hello? Baby you’re on your own golden paved road that goes straight to your best self, and that ain’t anybody else’s best self, only yours. You’re doing it already, you don’t need to compare yourself to someone doing their thing and living their life. This is your life. And if you find yourself comparing yourself, take a step back. Take a deep breath, and gently remind yourself that ‘it’s not a competition. I am who I am.’

Okay…I really hoped this helped you! What kind of things do you compare yourself to others with, even if its just your future self? How can you be more self compassionate and non-judgemental to accept yourself, exactly as you are in this moment?

Thank you for reading!

Love, 

Lanie ❤️

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