You know what’s actually pretty stupid, but somehow makes sense in my mind? Thinking that I’m not worthy, just because I’m not happy with the way I look. I feel like I base a lot of my worth off of my external appearance, and also how much I can give to other people. And you know what? I call bullshit. Your worth should not be based off of anything external, whether it be what you look like, how much money you earn, whether you made someone smile today – whatever you think makes you worthy.
So I have to wear glasses in order to see the board in school, except I haven’t been wearing them for the past year because I was trying to manifest clear vision. (I mean my vision improved so that’s something right?) I’ve been wearing glasses since I was around 10 years old, and I just remember feeling super ugly in them. It didn’t matter what frames I got – I always looked like shit and I would feel like shit wearing them too. I felt like a different person, and I remember becoming more and more shy and withdrawn as the years went by – I mean that was due to a whole shabang of reasons, but I know feeling that way made it ten times worse. And today, for the first time in so long, I decided to finally get glasses again just to see that damn board in biology. And guess what happened? I looked into the mirror, trying on countless pairs, and I felt ugly. I mean, it’s like I can deal with having acne without glasses, because I’m used to it by now (which is probably not the right mindset to have), but glasses on top of that? That’s pushing it just a lil bit.
And it reminded me of those years where I felt worthless, and I was starting to feel unworthy again just looking at myself. I ended up getting fed up with trying on stuff; I felt sick, and I made my mom take us home.
Feeling worthless feels like shit. That’s the 100% facts of the situation. And when you feel worthless, at least in my case, I’ve noticed I just let people push me around and walk all over me. I don’t even have an opinion. If they tell me to do something, I just do it. If they’re asking for something, even if I don’t want to give it to them, even if I’m busy doing something else, I will literally put everything aside without a single question, to the point where it’s self sacrificing. I’m using present tense here, but I don’t really do this that much anymore. It comes and goes, because healing from that deep of self worth issues, where you feel like your life doesn’t really matter, where you’re completely invisible and a waste of space and feel insignificant; it takes time. You think you get somewhere, and then bam, a situation happens that triggers it back again. But eventually, little by little, if you keep reprogramming your mind, starting from the very first incident that caused you to even doubt your worth for a second, each time that trigger happens you will not sink as deep down. Because I can promise you, if you are living in that mindset, and making yourself small because you don’t think you’re worthy of anything else, the first step in changing is just acknowledging that. And then acknowledging that it doesn’t have to be this way. It can get better; and you freaking deserve that! I recommend looking into shadow work and inner child healing if you haven’t already. There are also EFT tapping videos on YouTube for self worth, meditations, and affirmations if you want to reprogram your mind. I have found these to be extremely helpful.
And I want you to know that you are worthy. Your worth is not based off of anything at all. Not even your personality, or how kind you are. None of it.
Let me ask you something. If you saw yourself walking down the street, would you even stop for a second and think hey, that person isn’t worthy. They don’t deserve to be rich, they don’t deserve love, they don’t deserve to be happy. Would you really think those things about yourself, if you looked at you from a different person’s perspective? I mean, I really hope not!
Let me ask you something else: are you alive? Are you breathing? Yeah? Well guess the frack what; you are worthy. Wow spoiler alert, sound the alarm, mic drop…😉
But it’s true, and I don’t want you to ever doubt that again. Hell, I want you to be in that place where you’re so freaking sure of your worth that you will not stand it when someone disrespects you, when someone tries to coerce you into doing something you don’t want to do, when you take the time to be a bitch and an inconvenience just because you want something done a particular way and it’s important to you and you will not let it slide any other way. Because you know what you deserve to be treated with the utmost respect, as if you were royalty. You deserve everything this entire world and universe has to offer, and everything that you desire for yourself. You deserve to have your own opinions, and you deserve all the love and beauty and happiness and peace that you can fit into your heart. And one day, if you don’t already, I hope you realise that too.
Thank you for reading this! I really, really hope this helped someone and I hope you feel uplifted and even a smidge more worthy after reading these words.