Expectations

As you lay across the bed

waiting

for me to join you

I am texting my sister

And now I am cutting my nails over the sink

And the mirror is turned so that I may see your eyes

For one moment

And you make sure in that moment I catch your face, too, your mouth

The exact moment, a shining highway sign in headlights: 

This is just not right,

for either one of us.

Because I am capable of knowing such things.

Painting pictures on my back

The strokes I felt

But spent time guessing at shapes 

Put pressure on my shoulders,

and doubt of the power it took to create.

A thing unfair to us both,

and how I came to feel incapable of love after having loved, before.

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